Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
