Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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