Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
