My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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