Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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