it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
