You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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