She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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