I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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