Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
