matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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