I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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