Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
