he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
