dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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