Moan for me like Helen Keller
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
