I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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