and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
