So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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