This girl is more easily done than said...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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