I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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