hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
