i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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