Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
