if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
