I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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