How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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