you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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