I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dick very happy bro
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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