I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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