I heard we made out
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
