Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
