I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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