I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
