is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
