you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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