Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize