you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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