my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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