to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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