I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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