You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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