Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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