respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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