Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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