i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.