I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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