My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible