He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
