Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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