I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
