I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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