you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
