well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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