I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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