Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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