I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
