I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
