Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
