I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
drinking out of a sandbucket again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
