I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
