can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
