It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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