I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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