Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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